I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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