im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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