This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
