Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
