New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
