I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
