Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
