You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
