So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
