Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
