We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
