Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
