i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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