It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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