epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
