How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
