there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were trust falling into bushes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
