zippers are such a cool invention
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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