Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
