Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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