it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
