I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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