McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
