Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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