i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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