I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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