In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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