Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
