I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The air was thick with penises
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
