I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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