So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you had me at cake vodka
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
