either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
