I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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