She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
