I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
