Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
