you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
