You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
