He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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