Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
