she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
