now i know why i became what i already was.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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