Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
