I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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