Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
