I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
