Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
