it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
