I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
