come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
