he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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