Even water is tasting like jack daniels
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
