wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
