forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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