Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
